You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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