Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
