Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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