Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
