I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
