I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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