Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
