I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
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He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
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I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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