At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
