Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
