I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
