Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
