So drunk its hurt
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
