a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
