scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Two words: nipple clamps
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