He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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