just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
she told me i tasted like america
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
