I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
