Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
