Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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