Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
whose ass print is on the piano?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
