It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
