I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
