i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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