Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
