I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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