So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
