I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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