My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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