The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
