i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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