She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
