haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
