I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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