I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I met the friendliest cop last night
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
