I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
