i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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