She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
