Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Randomize
