best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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