who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
