JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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