Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
