dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My penis needs a shock collar
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
