my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
