Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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