I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
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it's like heaven, but drunker
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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