Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
