The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
