I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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