This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
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maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
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I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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