I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
