man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
