im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
