i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize