My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
