ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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