talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
