So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
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The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
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I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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