Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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