look no pants
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
