My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
