He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
