Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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