If that was your dad, he is hot
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
