Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
