see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
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Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
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The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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